CHOICES
by kuroren23
Summary: An introspective look inside Edward's mind after the events of the Final Battle.


Authors Note: I wrote this when I read the final chapter of FMA. I know its OOC and its sappy. Blame hormones. I buried it somewhere after having written it weeks ago. Sorry. Just had to get it out of my head to make room for other things. LOVE EDWIN. Many thanks to Josh Groban's music

* * *

**CHOICES**

_**Through the darkness **_

_**I can see your light**_

_**And you will always shine**_

_**And I can feel your heart in mine**_

_**Your face I've memorized**_

_**I idolize just you**_

No…I do not regret…I couldn't find it in me to regret what I did…what I had done…what I was willing to do to get him back. And even now, when the silence of this twilight-infused room reminds me of the gaping hole inside of me where my talent once dwelled there is no regret inside me.

True…I am and will always yearn to be an alchemist…but I cannot—will not regret that I had to sacrifice so little a thing to get so much more of something. I will not lie to those that will ask me if I had regrets. I will tell them the truth if they dare to ask. I have learned years ago that being brutally honest saves a lot of people a lot of pain—some more than others.

Lying, I found to my disgust—brings only temporary succor from pain…all it ever gives those that cling to it is a shallow illusion of comfort that would sooner rip you apart rather than heal you. Eventually truth prevails—even through the most cunning of lies…truth always comes and it washes away everything in its path—dreams, hopes, illusions, fear, grief. I have nothing else except truth. It was the only barter I had left and just this once it didn't fail me.

There is emptiness inside of me—that I am well aware of. A void where alchemy once flowed—vibrant, verdant, rich and overflowing like my very life's blood. But where it once resides—now only peace resides. The kind of serenity I have sought for so long. It fills me up in a way all the knowledge and power of alchemy never could.

_**I look up to**_

_**Everything you are**_

_**In my eyes you do no wrong**_

_**I've loved you for so long**_

_**And after all is said and done**_

_**You're still you**_

_**After all**_

_**You're still you**_

It has been weeks since I fought "Father". Weeks since I have finally held my precious brother in my arms—his human form—in nearly four years. Now, I stand here, in a room bathed in moonlight and rain—wrapped in the enveloping darkness and comforting howl of the storm that rages just beyond this little room' s sturdy walls.

_ "Do you regret losing your alchemy Ed?"_

I should've known she would be the one to ask me. My brother never would. No one else of my acquaintance wants to breach that particular taboo. But she wouldn't flinch from her quest for truth. Maybe that's why I know if she asked I would tell her the complete truth. But beyond that one statement…she never followed it through. She simply made sure the question was asked.

A deeply drawn breath that hitches suddenly and breaks…a soft gasp and softer pattering of bare feet on the wooden floor. The firm press of lips that sought to soothe and the trembling bush of shaky fingers through cool silken strands. These were the only sounds to break the strange solemnity of the room where the question hangs between us like an unwanted guest. That and the scalding cascade of tears that flowed across my shoulder…cleansing the mark of a phantom scar that would never fade.

_**You walk past me**_

_**I can feel your pain**_

_**Time changes everything**_

_**One truth always stays the same**_

_**You're still you**_

_**After all**_

_**You're still you**_

No, I don't regret. I never could. Not when the warm reality of my brother's flesh meets mine. Not when my ears revel in the voice I've longed to hear for years—a voice not obscured by the metal shell that clouded its natural sweetness and charm. Not when I can touch with my now human hand once more the soft, strong beat of his heart. Not when I can run my warm mortal unstained fingers through cool silken strands that grew far too long for so many years.

No…I can not regret...not when I watch how the steady hands of our master –hands that never faltered in a fight-finally tremble in feeling as she ran the pads of her hands along his emaciated form. Not when her fierce eyes—the same eyes that watched over us like our second mother- finally flooded with relieved tears that she has held for so long gazing at the miracle of our rebirth.

Not when I could see the pervading joy wash across the visage of every one of the men and women that shed tears and blood and sweat to help us move forward bit by bit until we managed to stand and fulfill our goal. Not when I could finally look at our father and feel finally the last dregs of anger being blown away by the cool wind of change.

_**I look up to**_

_**Everything you are**_

_**In my eyes you do no wrong**_

_**And I believe in you**_

_**Although you never asked me to**_

_**I will remember you**_

_**And what life put you through**_

No…there is no regret in me…not when I could see my dreams—my redemption reflected in those self-same golden eyes. Eyes that show a well of awareness and tranquility…eyes that grow bright with triumph and life. The same golden eyes that once haunted my dreams and now fills my heart with a joy that knows no beginning or end.

Not when I am held in the embrace of someone that walked with me down that path of pain and blood and never once flinched from it. Not when I can feel her heart beating against mine as she whispers broken words of thanks and assurance. Not when after all that's been said and done—she still thinks of me as being the same.

"_You're still the same Edward…no matter what…you are enough for me…"_

_**And in this cruel and lonely world**_

_**I found one love**_

_**You're still you**_

_**After all**_

_**You're still you**_


End file.
